BirthWays believes in birth. We believe in the power of women’s bodies. We believe in the magical transformation of becoming parents. And we believe in the wisdom of babies. Don’t let an organization that believes in you close its doors.
Like many others non-profits, BirthWays is finding it difficult to survive during this economic downturn. Now more than ever we need your support. For over thirty years BirthWays has provided education, support and resources for new and growing families and we need your support now to ensure that we can continue to provide these services.
There are lots of ways you can support BirthWays. If you are a new or expecting parent, you can:
If you are a birth or parenting provider, you can:
It is support like this that will enable BirthWays to thrive. BirthWays is the only community based non-profit providing education, support and resources during pregnancy, birth and parenting in the East Bay. We are an invaluable resource for both women and families and providers and we need your support to stay open.
Thank you for your support,
The BirthWays Board of Directors
Note: Please click on the orange words and phrases, or hyperlinks, within the article for more information on how to help.
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care
You may not be sure what kind of toys, or how many, your baby should have. It’s likely that you hear conflicting advice that runs from one extreme to another! It’s either: “Don’t give your baby toys — he’ll be spoiled,” to “Give your baby lots of toys — they develop his brain.” So…which is it?
Both sides of this debate have valid points. A baby does indeed learn from the things she plays with, and the more things she has access to, the more she can learn. With this in mind, many parents spend a fortune buying toys; however, many toys hold a child’s attention for three or four days, only to be relegated to the bottom of the toybox or back of a shelf.
Babies learn about their world by using all five of their senses: sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch. Toys engage and refine these senses by:
Experts agree that babies need a variety of toys to enrich their lives and encourage learning. While your baby can learn from expensive store-bought toys, she can also learn from a crumpled piece of paper, a set of measuring spoons, an empty box, or a leaf. Everything is new and interesting to a baby, and if you open your eyes to the many wonders in our world, you’ll see that you don’t have to spend a fortune to keep your baby happy, interested, and learning.
What “home-grown” toys are best?
As you view the whole world as a bottomless toybox, here are some tips to consider:
PARENT TIP
“I made a great set of blocks for my daughter by collecting an assortment of empty boxes from regular household products and covering them with contact paper. They are colorful, light weight and man interesting shapes and sizes.”
~Yu-ting, mother of Shu-Lin (3 years old)
What store-bought toys are best?
A while ago, I went to the toy store to buy my youngest child, Coleton, a toy that my older three adored when they were babies. It was a simple pop-up toy for toddlers with various buttons, levers, and dials. I found a bewildering variety of this kind of toy, but to my dismay, every single one was electronic. They made sounds, they made music, they had blinking lights — they just about played by themselves! I finally had to order the prized toy from a specialty catalog that carries “back to basics” toys. Sure, electronic toys can be exciting — for awhile — but they can also stunt your baby’s developing ability to imagine and manipulate (and let’s face it: those repetitive electronic sounds can get annoying). If a toy does everything by itself, it loses its potential as a tool for developing creativity. Also, if your little one gets used to these toys, then simple pleasures like wooden blocks seem boring by comparison because he expects the blocks to play for him. And those simple toys are among the very best for baby playtime.
Look for these qualities as you shop for your baby:
Best toys for young babies:
Board books
Foot or hand puppets
Musical toys
Rattles
Small, lightweight, easy-to-grasp toys
Squeaky toys
Teething rings
Toys with high-contrast graphics, bright colors, or black-and-white patterns
Best toys for older babies:
Activity boxes (levers/buttons/dials/hinges)
Balls
Beginning puzzles (two or three large pieces; knobs are helpful)
Blocks
Cars and trucks
Chunky small people and accessories
Dolls and stuffed animals
Hammering toys
Large interlocking beads
Modeling dough
Musical toys
Nesting cups
Peg boards
Picture books
Plastic animals
Pop-up toys
Push or pull toys
Shape sorters
Stacking rings
Toy versions of everyday items (telephones, cooking utensils, doctor kits)
Toys you still remember from your childhood (The classics endure and are always a good bet!)
Washable crayons or markers and blank paper
Playtime
As you give you baby new things to play with, keep in mind that there is no right way to play with toys. For example, a puzzle is not always for “puzzling.” The pieces make great manipulative characters, can be sorted or put in boxes, and make interesting noises when banged together or against an empty pot. Children learn through play, so any toy they enjoy playing with is, by definition, educational.
Safety for all toys
Always consider well the safety aspects of anything your baby is going to play with. Here are a few ways to keep playtime safe:
This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003) http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
The bun is finally in the oven, and now there are so many decisions to make! Whether you are expecting your first baby or you’ve done this once or twice before, most parents spend quite a bit of time preparing for their baby’s birth. Among other considerations, parents decide where to have the baby, who will be the medical care provider, what classes to take, and who will be members of their birth support team. The focus of this article is the question of finding childbirth education that is right for you.
In our practice, we strongly encourage all first-time parents to take a childbirth preparation class. We also recommend veteran parents consider taking a refresher class in order to re-familiarize themselves with techniques that worked in their previous births and to spend focused time connecting with their current pregnancy and upcoming birth. If you’ve reached your second trimester, it’s a great time to start looking for your class.
In the Bay Area, we are fortunate to have access to a wide variety of great options in childbirth education. There are classes available at the hospitals, through centers like BirthWays, and with experienced independent educators. There are series that meet once a week for several weeks as well as weekend intensives. Some classes take an eclectic approach, offering you the opportunity to learn and practice a variety of techniques to help in labor. Other classes focus on a specific technique such as: hypnobirthing, the Bradley method, or mindfulness-based meditation. Still others are specific to folks planning homebirths, single mothers by choice, queer families, and second-time (or more) parents.
Ask your care provider for referrals, check out the BirthWays website, search Berkeley Parents Network, and ask your friends what they did. Consider what approach resonates most with you and speak directly with the instructors to get a better feel for what the class will be like. Some parents even take more than one class. For example, they may sign up for the class given at their hospital so they can learn about hospital procedures and protocols and also take a hypnobirthing series in order to gain practical skills for experiencing an unmedicated birth.
Practice the techniques you learn in class so they will be familiar to you when you want to make use of them in labor. Finally, try to remember that no matter how much you prepare for the birth of your baby, there is no way to truly plan a birth. Trust your body to know how to give birth, surround yourself with unconditional, loving support, and surrender to whatever the mystery of your baby’s birth brings you.
We wish you many blessings on this amazing journey.
–The midwives of East Bay Homebirth Midwifery
None of the information in this column is intended to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment. Talk with your healthcare provider about any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
By Gina Hassan, Ph.D.
Following the birth of a baby, everyone has advice to offer new parents. While some of the advice received may be pearls of wisdom – helpful, soothing, clarifying bits of information that we are ever so grateful to have gained access to – other bits of advice may be less desirable and cause feelings of anxiety, confusion, helplessness, hopelessness and even anger. Some advice is solicited, and some is “dished out” whether we want it or not. Here are a handful of suggestions of how to stay calm and grounded in the face of “unwanted advice.”
Advice during this time can come from all kinds of places. Sought after advice may come from a friend, a physician, a relative, etc. Unsolicited advice can come from anyone you find yourself in close quarters with including the person standing on line in front of you in the grocery store.
Here is a sampling of kinds of advice some of the moms in my groups have received, along with suggestions of how you might chose to respond. Use these examples as a benchmark if they are helpful, and/or simply let them speak to you in whatever way makes sense for you at this time.
The stranger. Remember that people are generally well intentioned, if not fairly naïve, when the person behind you in the grocery store suggests you might try feeding your crying baby. After all, every time her baby cried twenty-five years ago, it was because she was hungry and underfed, and it took this Mama eight months to figure this out.
How you might respond? Take a deep breath and remember: Babies are provocative beings we are biologically wired to respond to. Seeing a crying baby can bring up our own deep sense of internal helplessness, our wish to be able to control our environment, unresolved feelings about how we were parented and/or how we parented our own children. (All this in an unconscious instant, too much for many of us to bear without trying to remedy the situation no matter how silly our suggestions may be.)
While the advice may be exasperating and seem terribly naïve, try not to take it personally. Take a deep breath, gather whatever calm you can, and precede with what you know and believe to be the best way to navigate through this particularly challenging situation. Remember it is always easier to give advice than to receive it when you are in the middle of struggling through a difficult situation.
Your Mother-in-Law. Your mother-in-law tells you for the fifth time that you might want to consider leaving your baby in the crib to cry for a while as you are spoiling her by picking her up every time she cries.
How you might respond? Remember, different generations have different culturally laden beliefs about how our little ones should be raised. From the perspective of many grandparents, the culture of attachment-parenting may look like a crazy misinformed approach, which will raise a generation of whining, self-indulgent, out of control children.
You be the judge as to whether a frank conversation about the importance of responding to our little one’s in an emotional attuned manner will penetrate Grandma’s belief system. If this is too much to get into, it may be best to simply take a breath and explain: “While I respect that when you were raising your children the experts advised against responding too quickly for fear of spoiling a child, today’s thinking reflects an understanding that it is impossible to spoil an infant.” Scientists now believe that until a baby can sooth itself, it is important for us to help them regulate their emotional states. This way of dialoguing with someone from another generation shows respect and recognizes the fact that we all parent within a cultural context that changes with time and geography. Referencing scientific studies can also help take it out of the realm of a personal power struggle so that it is not simply my belief versus yours.
Your Pediatrician. 
Your pediatrician tells you it is time for you to sleep train your baby and recommends a book along with the prescription that by your next visit she wants to see your little one sleeping through the night.
How you might respond? Remember, unless you are suffering from Postpartum Mood Disorder or another medical condition, the only valid reason to sleep train your baby is because it is what you (and your partner if you have one) have decided is the right course for your family at this time. Pediatricians and other professionals may have their own bias. Try and stay grounded in what you know to be right for you and your family. There are 1001 opinions regarding “the right thing to do” but you are the only one who can judge what is right for you and your family.
Sleeping is one of the most controversial and stressful topics for new parents. In early parenthood, sleep is one of those topics where people have very strong and varied opinions about what the right thing to do looks like.
If you are feeling pushed in a direction that does not feel right, it is important to speak up. Share with your pediatrician, or whoever is pushing you, that you are not there yet, or that this is not consistent with your belief system. While you can’t exactly trade grandmas if the ones your child has aren’t respecting your choices, you can find a new pediatrician or other care professional if need be. If a conversation about your views is not adequately incorporated into your practitioner’s approach, this might mean it is time to look for someone who is more open minded or whose views are more consistent with your own childrearing philosophies. (This topic could certainly go either way with the care professional pushing either a cry-it-out or a baby-led approach, but in either case the care professionals’ bias being the issue.)
Your Pet. Your beloved kitty Seymour gives you a stern glare you know only too well to mean, “You’ve changed from your easy going self to this tense hurried stranger. Lighten up lady and give me some attention for a change.”
Seymour may have a point. Unsolicited advice is not always welcome, but every once in awhile there is some wisdom lurking beneath its irritating surface. Whenever you can, take a moment to consider without judgment if there is anything to be gained from these suggestions. Would taking a moment out from your hurried baby-focused frenzy to luxuriate in Seymour’s furriness be such a bad idea? While we may not have time for the things that use to give us pleasure such as: spending time with our Kitty, our partner, or taking a bath; we might also forget that it is OK to take a moment here and there to pause and not be “doing” something.
So next time your kitty, or your metaphorical Kitty, gives you that look, pause to see if there is wisdom in his advice before you simply shrug it off. If there is, take in the wisdom. If not, try and stay spacious and let the advice pass through without throwing you off kilter.
Gina Hassan, Ph.D. is a perinatal psychologist specializing in maternal mental health. She offers individual and couples therapy, consultation, and Mindful Mothering and New Moms’ Support Groups. She has been on the BirthWays board for 3+ years. For more information and/or to read other articles please visit her website at www.ginahassan.com.
