- Ask the Midwife: Preparing for Pregnancy
- Our Donor: He’s One in a Million
- Honoring the Placenta
- Amera’s Birth Story

Making the decision to start a family or add a new member to your brood is exciting. There is a lot you can do before you conceive to prepare yourself and your family for a healthy pregnancy, beautiful birth, and empowering experience.

Pregnancy, birth, and parenting an infant are intense times in our lives. Changes in identity, relationships, physical ability, and income are a few examples of what many parents navigate during this time. Before becoming pregnant is an ideal time to connect with other parents and, if you are partnered, talk with your partner about how you see yourselves working together through this amazing time. Also, talk about your preferences when it comes to testing done in pregnancy, birthplace, maternity care provider, and immunizations for your child. Become informed consumers – learn about all the options available to you. There are so many wonderful resources in the bay area for prospective parents (explore the rest of the Birthways website for some ideas).

Optimize your health now. There may be dietary or lifestyle changes you want to make before becoming pregnant such as: reducing daily stress, beginning an exercise program, or getting to an ideal body weight. Our diets and exposure to environmental toxins can have a great impact on our overall health and, in particular, on our fertility and our ability to nourish a healthy pregnancy and recover from birth. Work with your maternity care provider, naturopathic doctor, or nutritionist if you need to make some changes. In addition, studies show that taking folic acid supplements prior to becoming pregnant, as well as during your pregnancy, reduces the risk of neural tube defects in babies. So start taking a high quality food-based prenatal vitamin now.

You may also want to consider now what maternity care provider you will use for the pregnancy and birth. It is not too soon to change doctors or interview midwives to find the best fit, even before you become pregnant. If you already have a doctor or midwife, let them know of your pregnancy plans. There may be health screening you would find useful if done before pregnancy, such as: a Pap smear, communicable disease antibody testing, metabolic screening, and genetic counseling. It can be useful to chart your menstrual cycles so that you’ll be clear about when conception occurs and therefore end up with a reliable due date for the baby. This can help you avoid an unnecessary induction of labor at the end of pregnancy.

If you do not already have health insurance that covers maternity services, you should think about getting coverage before becoming pregnant, as many insurance companies consider pregnancy a pre-existing condition and may not cover care related to a current pregnancy. Depending on your income, you could qualify for MediCal or AIM (Access for Infants and Mothers) once you are pregnant. If there is an open enrollment coming up at work, you may want to consider your options and make a change between HMO and PPO. If you are considering a home birth, talk to midwives about the best insurance options.

There are so many considerations and good preparation can save you time and help you to avoid stress. You’ll be able to more fully engage in all the magic that comes with the experience of bringing a child into our world.

We wish you all the best on this amazing journey.

–The Midwives of East Bay Homebirth Midwifery

www.eastbayhomebirth.com

None of the information in this column is intended to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment. Talk with your healthcare provider about any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

My bio-clock struck thirty. I had just completed my doctorate with a specialization in pre and perinatal psychology. I had also just become an apprentice midwife and a preconception consultant. Fascinated with every aspect of conception, gestation, and birth coupled with the resounding tick-tock of surging pregnancy urges, I eagerly began my early imaginings about my own range of reproductive options. Who might be my family’s donor down the road or across the bridge?

Would I, by then, have a wife with whom I would discuss any likely possibilities on her side of the family? Would I ask a beloved friend to share in a lifetime of parenting? Maybe I would meet and get to know well over the years a committed gay male couple who would be delighted by the idea of co-creating a family with the explicit hope of the more (parents) the merrier.

Fast-forward five years: No wife in sight, no suitable man-friend who lives in close proximity, and no gay male couple in my inner circle. Enter stage right: The Anonymous Donor Option. But where, oh where could he be? Which bank to choose? Which one will have my lucky number out of hundreds of random donors? A truly daunting decision was at hand. Doubly daunting—I had decided to go it alone. During this five-year stretch, I had undergone a complete overhaul of my set of expectations about what it would take to turn me into a mom. It had come down to the bare essentials: my uterus; my heart; and one handy, dandy swimmer. Thanks to the help of a local sperm bank, I found my guy!

Through complete grace I was spared cycle after cycle of waiting, wondering, and doubting if ever, if ever I would one day conceive. Shortly into my second trimester I contacted the bank to find out, if possible, about any other families who had selected the same donor. I quickly found out that there was a woman in San Francisco nearly due, and she also was interested in contacting me. As chance had it, when I received her e-mail I was delightfully surprised to find I had already met her and had even congratulated her on her pregnancy months before when our paths crossed at the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival. Small world!

She had shared with me that she had had told the sperm bank director that she was interested in meeting the donor before the birth of her baby. At this sperm bank, the donors sign a contract agreeing to be anonymous until the birth parent reports her newborn’s arrival, at which point she receives his name and contact information. In our case, our donor also was open to meeting any recipients during their pregnancies. Prospective parents are also reassured that donors sign a contract that clearly states that they do not have any financial obligations or legal rights to the child.

After learning of his name through the bank with the donor’s thumbs up, I contacted him to arrange a time to meet. Beforehand, I did a little online research and came across a photo of him on a website of a couple’s wedding that he had attended. As I scrolled through the photos, I saw a picture of the woman who officiated the wedding. Unbelievable! It was a picture of my housemate at the time. “What is with these uncanny layers of connection?” I kept wondering to myself. Even smaller world – it all began to feel oddly auspicious!

Meeting our donor, Shum, and Mike – his partner/husband of now 19 years – was a fabulous occasion filled with wonder, excitement, and great gratitude! I enjoyed their warmth, their humor, and their genuine enthusiasm immensely. I felt additionally fortunate that they were sincerely interested in participating in my soon-to-be newborn’s life. Had I met them a few years earlier, I could imagine that I likely would have picked them as the couple to whom I would have popped the donor question!

Though it all may seem somewhat easy thus far, the path from selecting a sperm bank to picking a donor to actually meeting him and his extended family has been, and still is, loaded with many practical considerations and tremendous amounts of soul searching. What do healthy genes look like on a sperm bank medical form? How am I contributing to the evolution of the culture of family? These questions and more weighed heavily on my mind.

Choosing anonymous, donor-assisted, intentional fertilization as a queer solo parent-to-be also has raised such questions in my mind as: “Who will I look to as my role models?” and, “What would I need in order to possibly ameliorate the potential isolation that could arise in the face of the predominant, heterosexually-coupled parenting paradigm?” Additionally, in what ways would my status as a parent be regarded? Would I have to contend with any social ramifications or political injustices that stigmatize and scrutinize not only those who are categorized as single mothers, but doubly so as those who are perceived to breed queer spawn? How would my connections with various communities expand or contract? Who would be there for me, and most importantly, for my child?

Dwelling on these questions, especially during a time of phenomenal hormonal upheaval, could have tampered with my sense of inherent excitement. Over time these questions – essentially steeped in concerns regarding personal, psychological, and sociological safety – morphed into the background of my mind. The true heart of the matter took precedence as I indulged more in the maternal pride of procreation; I was pregnant and it was clearly meant to be!

At long, long last, midsummer arrived. Cancer gave way to Leo. And with an otherworldly exuberance and unparalleled joy, I finally held my beautiful, beloved Bennett in my arms for the very first time. I was thrilled to share in the celebration of his birth with friends and family and equally so with our donor and his husband.

As my son grew, so did his love for Shum and Mike and theirs for him. Their continued presence and engagement in Bennett’s life has been amazingly unwavering and generous beyond compare. They all visit with each other at minimum weekly, including pickups from school and occasional overnights, trips to museums, playgrounds, and birthday parties. They have arranged gatherings with extended family living out of state and also have maintained close connections with the two other donor-related families – the one previously mentioned and another living on the other side of the country. It is a rare and blessed experience to have two committed, loving, smart, responsible, dedicated, and creative men hold my son’s well-being deeply in their hearts.

Throughout the last three or so years, exploration and clarification regarding the outward face of our family constellation has become more important to my son as he literally and figuratively comes to new terms with and incorporates its real and perceived parameters. Understanding the everyday meaning of our family donor to the mind of my preschooler had once seemed simple as, “it takes a seed to grow a garden.” Today I hear far different rhetoric from the more self-aware and socially perceptive inquiries of a six-year-old.

We all have discussed a range of ways to share with others, from friends and teachers at school to new acquaintances and their parents at the playground, how it came to be that our family does not include a dad and who Shum and Mike are to us. Originally such expressions as our donor and his husband or friends of the family or family helpers sufficed in describing our relationship to others in various contexts. Today the term godfathers – without religious connotation – aptly applies.

As a child I was truly fortunate to have very involved in my life a young gay godfather and a wise crone goddessmother – most caring and creative people – with whom I spent a tremendous amount of fun-filled, fond memory-making time. They will always be incredibly near and dear to my heart as I hope and imagine Shum and Mike will be to Bennett’s. As his godfathers, I believe they acknowledge they are inextricably woven into the fabric of our family, emphatically adding a rainbow of colors, if you will, to our yellow, black, and red Scottish tartan. Who knew the day I picked out an anonymous donor at the bank, he’d be truly one in million and then some?

Meghan Lewis, PhD, CMT, offers perinatal bodymind therapy in her offices in Oakland and Walnut Creek.  With over 15 years of experience working in maternal mental health, Meghan brings unconditional support to her clients exploring a range of preconception, pregnancy, postpartum, and parenting issues. Her approach is influenced by her interests in embodied mindfulness, transpersonal and ecofeminist theory, art therapy, and integrative health care practices. Meghan also has professional training and experience in perinatal bodywork and as an apprentice midwife and birth doula. She is the mother of a 6 year old son and is a member of the BirthWays Board of Directors.

For more information, please visit www.meghanlewisphd.com.

We all marvel at the miracle of birth, and most of us are monitoring fetal development throughout our pregnancies. We often fail to look at the miraculous organ known as the placenta. It grows from the time of conception, eventually takes over the production of hormones needed to sustain the pregnancy at around 12 weeks gestation, and is the baby’s nutritional lifeline. It is the only organ that serves a vital function in the body and then becomes obsolete.

I too marveled at the miracle of birth and as my due date approached I decided to have my placenta encapsulated. Personally, I was amazed at the amount of energy I experienced immediately after taking a placenta capsule, and the supply lasted throughout my fourth trimester. I felt calm, happy, healthy, and balanced. I am sure that ingesting my placenta assisted me with a smooth transition into motherhood. My incredible experience inspired me to learn more about this amazing organ.

The placenta is revered in many cultures as a rich source of nutrients, considered a gift from the baby also known as the tree of life or the first mother. For example, the Nepalese people think of the placenta as a friend of the baby. The M?ori people of New Zealand traditionally bury the placenta to emphasize the relationship between humans and the earth.

There are a few ways we can honor the placenta. Some people choose to bury the placenta as the M?ori have done, and have a special spot in the garden where it can nourish a seedling from its nutrients. Others choose to create art from it and make a paper imprint of the placenta, for example. With all of the nutritional benefits, more and more women are choosing to ingest their placenta as medicine. Classical Chinese medicine has used the placenta, called Zi-He-Che, for its medicinal benefits for thousands of years. Classical texts describe the medicine as, “a substance that tonifies the dual deficiency of yin and yang, with the ability to restore the root and return to the body’s primal Qi – Life-energy.”

Full of Qi (pronounced Ch-ee) or life energy, the placenta aids in postpartum wellness by replenishing your system. It supplies the mother with natural iron, protein and helps reintroduce essential hormones back into her system. After giving birth many new mothers experience blood loss, fatigue and a drop in high pregnancy hormones. All of these factors are thought of as key triggers in the development of the baby blues and postpartum depression.

The following is a list of the known hormones within the placenta and their healing properties:

• Gonadotrophin functions as the precursor to estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone.
• Prolactin promotes lactation.
• Oxytocin, often referred to as the love hormone, relieves pain and promotes bonding. Oxytocin is produced during breastfeeding and facilitates bonding between mother and infant. In its pharmaceutical form, this is a very addictive drug because it promotes a feeling of connectedness with others.
• Interferon stimulates the immune system to protect against infection.
• Thyroid stimulating hormone boosts energy and helps recover from stressful events.
• Cortisone combats stress and unlocks stores of energy.
• Prostaglandins are anti-inflammatory agents.
• Hemoglobin replenishes iron deficiency and anemia.
• Gammaglobulin is an immune booster that helps protect against postpartum infections.
• Urokinase Inhibiting Factor & Factor XIII stops bleeding and enhances wound healing.

There are different ways you can choose to ingest your placenta for healing. It can be ingested raw; even a small piece can stop hemorrhaging. Some women choose to make a smoothie with a small piece. Others sauté it with eggs and greens as a powerful first meal after giving birth. The preferred method by most women is to have their placenta encapsulated. The organ can be prepared raw; simply dehydrated and ground. However, most people opt to have it prepared using the traditional Chinese method where the placenta is lightly steamed with warming herbs, thinly sliced, and put in an oven or dehydrator. The Chinese philosophy of yin and yang considers giving birth cooling, and as such, heating the placenta balances the healing process.

By using encapsulation, the powerful benefits can be spread out over time. The capsules may be taken each day or as needed. Each placenta’s hormonal composition is completely unique to each mother. No prescription, vitamin, or herbal supplement can supply you with what your own placenta capsule can.

Some powerful benefits of ingesting the placenta include:

• May help to prevent postpartum depression
• Increasing postpartum iron levels and combating fatigue
• Encouraging lactation for breastfeeding
• Assisting the uterus in a return to its original size
• Balancing hormones and increasing immunity
• Decreasing post-natal bleeding time
• Accelerating the healing process from physical trauma

It is a shame that in Western Medicine the standard procedure is to dispose of the placenta as medical waste. Although scientific research on placentophagy is still in its infancy, there are thousands of women that will tell you, without a doubt, that ingesting their placenta was a powerful experience. The placenta helps mothers immeasurably when coping with a newborn and everyday challenges.

Further Reading:

1. Enning, Cornelia. Placenta: The Gift Of Life. Motherbaby Press, 2007. (Available through www.midwiferytoday.com.)
2. Visit www.placentabenefits.org. This site also contains articles and scientific research on placentophagy.
3. Visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Placenta.

Sarah Brick studied holistic nutrition at Bauman College and founded LivingNutrition.net at the beginning of 2011. She specializes in nutritional support for pregnant women, postpartum recovery, and families. Services Sarah provides for families around the Bay Area include: cultivating healthy mealtimes through cooking classes in your own home, introducing solid food to babies, market shopping trips, pantry restocks, and placenta encapsulation. She is a member of the NANP – National Association Of Nutrition Professionals.

The morning of November 26th I noticed things were changing. My due date was in two days on the 28th. I had mild contractions throughout the day and I thought, “This is good. The more work my body does leading up to labor the less I’ll have to do when it happens.” I prayed that I would go into labor in the morning after a good nights rest but I should have known better as I went into labor at 6:00 pm with both Andre and Selah. At 6pm I was Christmas shopping with Keenan at Target. I was having one to two contractions an hour and waddling around the store while people gave me sympathetic and concerned looks. I stopped getting the what-a-cute-pregnant-girl looks over a month before. I wondered of they could tell I was in labor. When we left the store I remember looking at the beautiful sunset and commenting to Keenan that this may be the last time I see the sun before Amera is born.

My mom was already at my house watching the kids while Keenan and I were shopping. When we got home I told her I thought, “This was it.” She was excited and helped me put the kids to bed. It was emotional kissing them goodnight and knowing their little lives would be forever changed when they woke up. Looking back it was so primal and perfect that I went into labor at night. My kids were asleep and it was a quiet, safe time to give birth. My mom helped me time my contractions around 9:00 pm. Then the dreaded call to my midwife. Dreaded because I’m not sure if I’m terrible at timing contractions, or if I’m just regularly irregular, but it was like déjà vu when my midwife Charlotte told me my contractions should be a little longer and to call her back in a half hour. The same thing happened with the other two! In the meantime she said to fill the birth tub. This is when my hero, I mean husband, saved me for the first time that night. He called Charlotte back and told her to come immediately. He recognized all the signs by now and was afraid that if she waited too long he was going to have to deliver the baby himself.

Maureen, my doula/photographer/best friend/cheerleader, came over right away and filled the room with joy. Even though she isn’t a trained doula I had asked her to be with me during the birth because she’s passionate about birth, has had two natural deliveries of her own, and is a dear friend whom I love. My mom, who had been a little nervous at the births of my other kids, was surprisingly calm and amazingly supportive – especially since her baby was having a home birth! Between Maureen and my mom and Keenan, I had the perfect birthing trio to help me. They were filling me with love and positive energy. Charlotte arrived around 10:15 pm and upon hearing that my contractions were longer and closer together she went into warp speed setting up for the birth.

I was managing my contractions pretty well up until that point, but I was looking forward to getting in the birthing tub. I was breathing, praying, listening to my music, and speaking positive affirmations. I kept saying, “This is going to be fast” and, “open up.” Charlotte told me I could get in the water at 5cm and when she checked me around 10:45 pm I was 5cm! I was so excited! I labored in the hospital tub with Selah and it was so much better than my labor with Andre (a terrible, long story). The tub was a bit disappointing because the water wasn’t very warm. I crawled in and got on my knees with my head hanging over the edge of the tub. This was not premeditated; it was the position my body wanted to be in at the time. I was only slightly distracted by the temperature of the water because all of a sudden I had a huge contraction. I wasn’t able to breathe through it and I remember thinking, “Wow. This shouldn’t be this hard already.” That is when I looked up and into Keenan’s eyes. They are a beautiful ocean green color. Looking into his eyes made me feel calm, so I decided to stare into his eyes during every contraction.

The calm definitely preceded the storm because another hard contraction hit me and it was all I could do to stare in his eyes. When it was over I remember telling myself to completely relax every muscle in my body. I like this picture because it was, believe it or not, the hardest part of my labor. I felt in control and on another planet all at the same time. Later Keenan told me that although I was looking in his eyes, it seemed that I was looking straight through him. He kept telling me he loved me and he was proud of me. We kissed a couple of times. The third, or maybe fourth hard contraction hit and suddenly I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. Yes, I’ve heard that when you feel like you have to go to the bathroom it’s time to push, but I really thought I had to go to the bathroom – numbers 1, 2, 3, and 4! I had only been in the tub 15 minutes! I told Charlotte I had to go and I started getting out of the tub. I didn’t feel an urge to push. I felt an obligation! She told me to not get out of the tub until she checked me and I remember thinking, “Something is about to come out and there is nothing I can do about it.”

Then I felt her head come out. I knew what it was but I couldn’t believe it. Wasn’t I just 5 cm 15 minutes ago? Charlotte told me her head was turning a little blue and to go ahead and push her out. So I did. I didn’t make a sound during the pushing, so no one but Charlotte and me knew she was out. Her hand was beside her head, “on the phone” as Charlotte described it, and the cord was wrapped around her neck, torso, and leg. Keenan helped turn me over so Charlotte could get a better look and she quickly untangled her while she floated in the water.

When Charlotte pulled her out of the water and gave her to me she was crying, and everyone cheered and gasped in amazement. It happened so fast! Amera Elizabeth was born at 11:00pm. I was still on another planet as I held my new daughter for the first time. I didn’t cry or even speak. My heart was filled with joy, love and relief as I kissed the top of her head. Keenan said, “You did it baby!” and I rested my head on the edge of the tub. I did it. She was here and she was perfect.

Keenan cut the cord and I held my baby, trying to process everything in my head. I couldn’t believe how everything happened and that it was over. Charlotte and her assistant helped me into my bed and checked Amera over. Both of us were good.

It was an amazing feeling to be in my bed, skin to skin with my new baby. In the hospital they would have taken her away to check, bathe, weigh her, etc. I was able to hold my baby immediately and for as long as I wanted. Keenan got in the bed with us and it was such a special moment for me to be with my husband and welcome our new daughter into our lives and into our home. Another special moment was when Andre and Selah woke up the next morning and got to meet their new little sister.

I know that home-birth isn’t for everyone, but it was the right decision for our family, and I will forever treasure the memory. I truly believe that birth is transformative for a woman. I feel like I was reborn with the birth of each of my children. Through each experience – one bad hospital experience, one good hospital experience, and one home birth – I have learned so much. I’ve learned that while childbirth may not be pain free, it can be fear free. I’ve learned that toughness gets you nowhere; you have to surrender. I’ve learned that God created an amazing body and a powerful mind. Childbirth has made me more confident in myself as a woman, wife, and mother. I hope that every woman can experience birth the way she wants to so she can carry the memories in her heart as a gift. When I watched Amera’s birth video for the first time I noticed that the song Blackbird sung by Sarah McLachlan was playing when she was born. I have a feeling Amera will hear that song often when I sing to her at night…”all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.”

Bonnie Clark is a full-time, stay-at-home wife and mother of three; and a part-time blogger and runner. She graduated from Georgia Tech completely underqualified for the hardest job of her life: motherhood. With three different birth stories, she is passionate about encouraging women to have the positive birth experience they desire.

- A Mother is Born
- Creative Ways to Play with Your Baby
- Preparing Nutritionally for the Fourth Trimester: It’s all about you, Mom
- A Postpartum Story: Falling in Love after Postpartum Depression

The human infant is born less developed than any other infant in the mammalian kingdom. In fact, the human baby is entirely dependent on its mother for its very survival. When a fetus is in its mother’s womb there is a complex system of support wherein the mother’s body provides the environment, the nutrition, and the hormones that move the baby’s growth forward. Once the infant has arrived in the world, however, the concept of unity and separateness evolves.

When a mother is pregnant, we are sometimes uncertain whether to think about mother and baby as two separate people or one complex organism. But once the baby is born, how do we think about baby and mother during this early phase when fetus and mother go from sharing a body to inhabiting two clearly separate bodies?  Over the past several years the concept of the fourth trimester has emerged as a useful way of thinking about the continuum of dependency of the human baby on its mother and the complex nature of what unfolds during the early postpartum period.

Our culture does not tend to acknowledge this transition. Once the baby is born there is a definite expectation that the event has occurred and all should return to normal. As such, we do not routinely see the support in place for early motherhood that we see focused on pregnancy. Given this sharp reduction in support postpartum an important question to consider is whether a mother is born as quickly as a baby.  Or might the birth of a mother take time as well, perhaps several months of gestation, so to speak, before she can really know and feel herself a mother?

The fact is, in Western culture we are generally isolated from extended family. Most of us do not grow up in households where our cousins and aunties are going through early motherhood before our eyes. We often enter this role with little inside knowledge of, or exposure to, what is called for and what early motherhood may look like. In some cultures there is a formalized lying-in period, usually lasting four to six weeks, where a new mother is taken care of by a community of women such that all the mother is required to do during this time is get to know her baby and ease into the experience of mothering. In our culture the new mother is generally doing this on her own, sometimes with the help of a partner.

Expecting to live life as normal once a new baby arrives is not a healthy or realistic expectation. The fourth trimester can be a magical time of deep intimacy, discovery, and bonding. However, if we allow the tasks of life (i.e. cooking, laundry, returning email, and socializing) to prevent us from being with the emotional aspects of early motherhood, it can become an experience filled with anxiety/depression and self-doubt. Many mothers end up feeling there is something wrong with them for struggling during this transition. This is a sad state of affairs. When mothers are provided with the space to ease into motherhood, when the enormity of the transition is honored and supported, rates of postpartum depression and anxiety are greatly reduced.

So what is a healthy recipe for the postpartum transition?  Some of the ingredients include: plenty of space and time to grow into your role as a new parent; having realistic expectations about what this period should be like and how long it may take to feel comfortable in this role; ample support from family, friends and community; surrounding yourself with other new parents who can understand and are open to talking about the joys and challenges of this period; and allowing yourself to seek professional help when these supports are not enough.

Many women struggle during this period and our culture of shame — a culture that doesn’t allow for darker feelings to be acknowledged and expressed  — may well cause more suffering. Open up space to feel hope by letting people in so you don’t feel so entirely on your own. Isolation is not good for new parents and certainly increases our risk of suffering. Connection and community are paramount, so reach out, ask for help, and accept help when it is offered.

Parenting can be joyful and stressful and will at various times be both. Having realistic expectations of ourselves as well as compassion and patience are important ingredients in making early motherhood a more joyful experience.

Gina Hassan, Ph.D. is a perinatal psychologist specializing in maternal mental health. She offers individual and couples therapy, consultation, and Mindful Mothering and New Moms’ Support Groups. For more information and/or to read other articles please visit her website at www.ginahassan.com.

Now that your baby has arrived, what do you do to entertain and play with her?  Forget about the advertisements plastering the parenting magazines or the aisles full of toys at the big warehouse shops; what I’m referring to doesn’t require anything more than being present and using items you find around your house or in the local park. Let’s call it back to basics: non-stressful ways to spend time with your baby.

This may mean changing modes, moving at a slower pace. For example, take your time getting out of bed, explore with massage, sing a lullaby, stare into baby’s eyes, and take those moments to be together. Give yourself permission to have a pajama day from time to time. Since babies can pick up on emotions such as stress and anger as early as 6 months, teach them how to take care of themselves by taking care of you. Find ways to create quiet periods throughout the day. The email, laundry, and dishes can wait.

As you lay in bed together, gently massage your baby’s toes one by one; use the opportunity to burst into “This Little Piggy” or begin introducing numbers by counting them. Not only does massaging his toes provide an opportunity for play and early number introduction, stimulating this area of the body boosts the immune system warding off colds and flu viruses. Other prime times to offer a gentle massage are during diaper changes and after baths. Administering long, slow strokes from head to toe is calming and relaxing not only for baby, but for you as well.  If you want to dive deeper into massage, attend an infant massage class or check the library for books or DVDs on how to massage your baby.

How might you make use of other times together, such as when you are standing in a long grocery line? Start to move together by swaying back and forth; bend your knees and move up and down, turn around if there is room, and sing about your movement while you dance. No matter how small the movement, it will improve both of your attitudes about being stuck in line. Imagine the smiles from people around you as they vicariously release their own unspoken frustration. You can explore these dance moves with music while at home. Play a variety of music (classical, jazz, drumming, rock, etc.) and find a rhythm as you partner with your baby to tango, salsa or slow dance around your home. See what appeals to you and your baby.

You can also tone down the moves and introduce gentle passive movements, also known as baby yoga. Leg movements, where you move baby’s legs like they are riding on a bicycle, can offer gas and constipation relief. Simply hold her legs on the lower leg/calf and rotate them gently in a circular motion. Remember: If you meet with resistance, stop. Never force the baby to do any movements they are not ready for. You can clap baby’s hands at mid-line while singing “Patty Cake”, then take his arms out to the sides or up over her head for an easy stretch. Describe how you are opening and closing or moving up and down. See how many ways you can engage your baby’s hands and feet. You can gently clap them, roll them, tap them, push them, shake them, etc.

Many of us are very self-conscious about singing in our society, but babies don’t care what your voice sounds like. You can make up songs about anything such as: leaving the swings or washing your hands for lunch. Sing in a whisper, a big voice, or somewhere in between. Clap your baby’s hands together or offer him a wooden spoon to drum along. Try to remember old favorites from your childhood, check out the library or check out Internet resources for a new repertoire. For example, YouTube.com has an array of tunes sung by all types of people.

Finally, gather things from around the house or outdoors to play with.  Look for items that will fit into one or more of the senses: touch, taste, sound, smell and sight. Remember you can explore items safely together, for example, sand at the park or beach may be a tempting thing to put in her mouth, but what about just sitting baby on your lap, scooping a fistful of sand and pouring it over her legs or toes. Or how about standing your baby up so just his feet are standing on the sand all the while describing the experience? You might say one or all of the following based on what is going on: “the sand feels warm because of the sun,” “the sand may tickle as it runs through your toes,” and/or “does the sand feel rough against your skin?”  You are beginning to introduce descriptors that the baby uses as it learns to categorize while experimenting with all the different textures.

In addition, explore with more than just the hands and feet. Rub the silky scarf on her cheek or roll the smooth rock down his forearm.  Take time to engage in play together and other times sit back and watch as your little scientist performs experiments with the toys you offer. Often grandmothers like to say, “All we had were pots and pans to play with and we turned out just fine!” I find this to be more and more true as I watch my 6 year old find 101 things to do with a toilet paper roll. Sometimes, it’s about adjusting our own perceptions and merely looking around with new eyes. Babies do get tired of playing with the same items though, so change things around by rotating items every week or two.

Keep things simple, it’s more about the quality than the quantity that you give your baby. Our time with our babies passes by far too quickly. What better gift is it to slow down and be less absorbed by the latest gadget and explore who is right in front of you? These and many more ideas can be found in my infant massage class at BirthWays or in my Tum e Time: Creative Ways To Play With Your Baby classes in Oakland, Berkeley and San Francisco, visit www.tumetime.com.

The first 3 months after the baby is born is referred to as the fourth trimester, a time where we are adjusting emotionally and physically. The emphasis is often on the baby, but we need to take care of ourselves to enable us to have the energy necessary to take care of our little one. While everyone tells us how important it is to eat healthfully during pregnancy, this important postpartum period is often overlooked.

Nutrition is crucial during this time and can help us balance emotions, hormones, and replenish iron and minerals lost during the birth. Good nutrition will ensure a good milk supply and help us maintain the energy we need.

When your baby arrives it can be difficult to think about preparing healthy meals and snacks for yourself, so it is wise to prepare in advance. Good ways to ensure you are well nourished include: having a well-stocked pantry, keeping a few easy recipes on hand, and cooking a few meals ahead and storing them in the freezer. Completing a full pantry clear out and restock is a great way to ensure you have a full supply of healthy, nutrient dense foods to get you through the long days. It is important to remove any processed and refined foods from your diet, as these foods will hinder your recovery. As always, ensuring a balanced diet using whole foods is the way to go.

Here are a few healing essentials to help with an optimal recovery:

Seaweed – In Korea, women who have given birth are fed a seaweed soup called miyeok guk one or more times each day for a minimum of two weeks following delivery. Sea vegetables have the broadest range of minerals of any food. They are an excellent source of iron, which is important, as there is usually significant blood loss during birth. Add seaweed to soups and broths or toast nori in a pan for 5 minutes for a healthy snack. Crumble seaweed in with some raw nuts to munch on while nursing.

Herbal Teas – Loose-leaf herbs are a wonderful addition to your pantry, so stock-up on nettle, raspberry leaf, peppermint and chamomile. You will benefit from the vitamins and minerals present in the herbs. Nettle, raspberry leaf, fennel, and fenugreek are said to help milk supply; while peppermint and chamomile will calm the system. It’s easy to make up your own blends according to your preference. I like to blend peppermint, raspberry leaf, and nettle in a jar and let it steep in the sun.

Soups & Broths – Soups are amazingly versatile and healing. Preparing a nourishing bone broth* in advance, then simmering vegetables for a soup, will help sustain your energy to ensure you are getting a wide range of nutrients.  You can make a big batch and put in the freezer for later use: Ziplocs work well. Soup is an excellent first meal after birth. Parsley is a particularly good addition to soups as it helps reduce inflammation and adds a good amount of iron and vitamin C to your diet and both are needed for your recovery.  Preparing a mineral rich vegetable broth with a variety of vegetables and sipping throughout the day will help facilitate healing.

Nuts & Seeds – Having a supply of raw nuts and seeds will ensure you always have a ready to go snack. You can mix and match them as you want. Make sure you have a variety using walnuts, almonds, hazelnuts, pecans, as well as sunflower, pumpkin, and sesame seeds. Roasting nuts and seeds destroys much of their nutritional content, so they are best consumed raw.

Nutritional Yeast – Available at most health stores, nutritional yeast has a cheesy/nutty flavor and is packed with B vitamins. It is so easy to sprinkle on popcorn for a snack, or even to blend into milk as a drink. Vitamin B6 is critical in maintaining hormone balance and proper immune function. Due to the rapid readjustment of hormones in the mother’s body after birth, it is essential to eat vitamin B rich foods. Other sources include organ meats, raw milk, and organic free-range eggs.

Eggs – Touted by some as the perfect food. They are a great source of protein and B vitamins. In traditional Chinese medicine, eggs are recommended to strengthen one’s blood and energy by enhancing digestive and kidney function. Hard-boiled eggs are an excellent snack; you can pre-boil a few at a time and keep them in the fridge.

Healthy Fats – Whole fats are essential for maintaining hormone balance; they nourish us and satiate us. They should not be restricted in a mothers diet! Some experts believe that postpartum depression can be attributed to the depletion of omega-3 fatty acids in the diet. Use real butter, drink whole milk, and eat plenty of wild fish and even sardines. Try to use coconut oil for cooking. Olive oil, sesame oil, and walnut oil are best used cold over salads and vegetables. You will need fat in your diet to help with healing and recovery; it is critical you have enough.

Probiotics – Lactobacillus acidophilus and bifidobacteria not only help regulate bowel movements; they increase the absorption of minerals that require acid for absorption such as calcium, copper, iron, magnesium and manganese.  You can take good quality probiotics in capsule form as well as eating plenty of cultured foods such as: raw sauerkraut, yogurt, and kefir.

Multivitamins – It is wise to continue with a good multivitamin during the fourth trimester. It should not be used instead of but rather as an insurance policy to compliment your whole foods diet.

Caring for a newborn baby and becoming a mother for the first, second, or even third time is truly a special experience. Providing ourselves with healthy ingredients to nourish our strong bodies will enable us to relish in the delights of motherhood.

*For more information on making nourishing bone broth, see my article on www.livingnutrition.net.

References

Murray, Michael. The Encyclopedia of Healing Foods. New York: Atria Books, 2005.

Lipski, Elizabeth. Digestive Wellness. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2004.

Enig, Mary G. Know Your Fats. Silver Spring, MD: Bethesda Press, 2000.

Fallon, Sally. Nourishing Traditions. Washington D.C.: New trends Publishing, 2001.

Weed, Susun S. Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year. Woodstock, NY: Ash Tree Publishing, 1986.

Sarah Brick studied holistic nutrition at Bauman College and founded LivingNutrition.net at the beginning of 2011. She specializes in nutritional support for pregnant women, postpartum recovery, and families. Services Sarah provides for families around the Bay Area include: cultivating healthy mealtimes through cooking classes in your own home, introducing solid food to babies, market shopping trips, and pantry restocks. She is a member of the NANP – National Association Of Nutrition Professionals.

You can contact her by phone (415-309-4179) or email (sarahbricksf@gmail.com), or visit her website at www.livingnutrition.net.

When my first son was born I knew I would have more children. I couldn’t get enough of him. There were moments when I wished he were a twin, so that when I laid him down I could hold another baby. I was obsessed with him and loved him more than I ever thought imaginable. When he was 8 months old we found out we were expecting again. I was thrilled, but a little shocked it had happened so soon.

My second pregnancy flowed much the same as my first with a bit more morning sickness in the beginning. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t read much during this time since I felt like the two pregnancies were so close together, surely I remembered everything. My first labor was not perfect, but I knew I could give birth. Around 35 weeks I started experiencing severe pain that only got worse. On the day of my 37-week appointment I could barely walk. The doctor measured my uterus and said even though I was 37 weeks pregnant; I was measuring at 40 weeks. That didn’t surprise me, as my first baby was also large. He then examined me for a second time during the appointment, telling me he wanted to check something. It felt like he trying to pull the baby out right then and there! I even said, “Wow, that was invasive.” But he said nothing in return.

I went into labor that night at 1 AM. When I arrived at the hospital I was in shock – they were letting me stay. Was I really about to have this baby at 37 weeks? I gave birth at 10 AM. They immediately put him on my chest and it was incredible. After that it was downhill. They said he was cold and kept him across the room in a warmer where I could not see him for 45 minutes. Then they said he had low blood sugar and needed formula. When I asked to breastfeed again I was told that I couldn’t because I had “already tried.” When I told the nurse that I wanted to be the one to give him the bottle she said, “I would be more comfortable if I did it.” I told the nurse and my husband I was going over to the warmer to feed my son. I felt like a mother bear: growling and doing whatever I needed to in order to get to and care for my son. I got up and another nurse and my husband helped me to walk across the room; I had just had an epidural. The adrenaline was pumping so hard I didn’t know I couldn’t walk. I sat in the chair and fed him the bottle and tried not to cry. He was sleepy and didn’t want the bottle. I begged him to eat so he could come back to bed with me where he belonged. I was allowed to go back to bed to feed him and that’s when I noticed all of the blood on the floor and in the chair. I ignored it. I had my baby.

They took him for 3 hours to be in the transition nursery. On our way to the recovery room, without my son, I told my husband I had just gone from being a mom of two boys, to a mom of none. I needed my boys by my side, where they belonged. My husband and I spent the next 3 hours walking back and forth from our room to the nursery every 10 minutes. I cried the majority of the time he was gone. The next morning the doctor I had seen at my weekly visit came to check on me and asked when I went into labor. He said he wondered how long it would take and that he had “felt sorry” for me. It hit me like a ton of bricks; he had stripped my membranes. I didn’t know it at the time of the exam. I was anxious the rest of the hospital stay and couldn’t wait to leave. I just knew they were going to take him from me again.

The next two months are a blur to me. I don’t remember much. I have so many memories of my first son and 1500 pictures to prove it. With my second I remember his jaundice was really bad, I remember crying in the bathroom a lot, and I remember nursing him and staring into space. I don’t remember much about him. At my 6-week postpartum checkup I left Jared at home with my husband. The nurse and doctor were very surprised I didn’t bring him with me, but I was so detached from him that I couldn’t understand why I would bring him. I wondered from the beginning if I had postpartum depression, but never said anything. I figured I felt like this because I was a failure; I didn’t protect my son.

Then the breakdown came. I sat on the bathroom floor one morning when Jared was about 2 months old and just sobbed. I cried for myself, for my children who deserved a better mom than me, and for everything that shouldn’t have happened but did. I cried because I was crying. Here I had two healthy sons and I was walking around feeling sorry for myself. I knew I should feel happy. I felt awful that I didn’t love my second son the same way as I had loved my first. I told my husband I had to call the doctor; that something wasn’t right. I made an appointment with a different Ob/Gyn at the practice to talk about postpartum and they got me in right away. I explained my hospital experience to the doctor and he asked me about my personal life history. I explained: My dad raised me and my mom is an alcoholic and drug addict. He stopped me and said that the way I was feeling regarding my need to be so physically close to my children combined with the need to be a perfect mom were classic of the experience of the child of an alcoholic parent. This clicked for me. Of course I never wanted to leave my children and of course I felt like I didn’t protect my baby in the hospital; I was carrying abandonment issues from my 3-year-old self when my own mother left me.

Although things were better when I walked out of the office that day, it wasn’t until a year later that I was fully back to myself. I loved my son dearly, but still felt disconnected from him in a way that I never was with my first. My sister has two sons as well that are only 18 months apart, so she was a huge support for me that first year. I’ll never forget when she told me she had to work harder to create a relationship with her second because you just don’t have the time to devote like you do with your first. That was incredible for me to hear; I always felt like she had an amazing bond with her second son. It also made me realize I wasn’t alone.

It didn’t take me long to realize you can’t be quiet about PPD (postpartum depression). The quieter you are, the stronger it becomes: like a deep dark secret that festers and eats at you. By opening up, I found out a coworker who had a son a few weeks after me was also suffering from PPD. Just by stopping in the hallway and saying, “How are you today?” provided incredible mutual support. It was a reminder to both of us that PPD is something that exists, but it doesn’t have to consume you. We were able to hug each other and remind one another that it’s going to be okay.

I also found ways and times to be alone with Jared for bonding. I made myself read to him and hold him. Even though it felt forced at first, and that made me feel terrible, I knew I needed to do it to create a bond with him. I had to tell myself, “take pictures everyday” because I knew I would do so naturally with first son Isaac. I made sure that I was never quiet. On days when my husband was working and I was sad, I would call my parents and ask if we could hang out when I just didn’t think I should be alone. It’s important to recognize those times and be honest about them. Feeling sad doesn’t make you a bad mom; it makes you a woman with natural ups and downs. You have to be responsible and know that people love you, even if you don’t love yourself at the moment.

I think PPD is very difficult to understand because, as with any depression, you believe you are the only one affected. You enter a deep dark part of yourself and don’t see anyone else around you. I never realized the true impact of my depression on others until I heard my husband tell the birth stories of our two sons. I had been feeling like a failure because I knew my son didn’t need to be taken from me and I felt I hadn’t done my job as a mom to protect him. Meanwhile, my husband was dealing with his own failures. He saw me drowning and didn’t know what to do. He felt like a failure because he couldn’t do his job as my husband to protect our son or me.

The biggest lesson for me from my experience was to understand knowledge is power and prevention is key. We all need to be informed. I am sure that if we had a doula with us after Jared was born, the nurse would not have treated me that way. If I had known about low blood sugar, the causes and cures, I could have been a better advocate for my son. However, at some point, you have to let go of what you should have done, or what you think you should have known. We all do the best we can with the knowledge with which we are equipped. I did the best thing I could by reaching out once I realized I was not getting better on my own. And now that I have been through it, I understand how important it is to be proactive and preventative; so does my family.

When Isaac was 2 and Jared was a little over 1, we found out that we were expecting our third. We knew we had to do something different, but we didn’t know what. So we started reading. I’ve been reading every birthing and pregnancy book I can get my hands on. I’ve learned so much about PPD as well as birth in general. Once I learned that the chances of having PPD are higher if you’ve had it before, I immediately told my husband. We made the choice not to use birth control when we got married, and we revisit that decision often. I remember the day I said to him, “If I continue to have postpartum depression with each child, we cannot continue to have children. It’s not fair to our family.” The thought makes my heart ache because we love having children and can’t imagine that we could be finished already. So now, it’s time be preventative. It’s all in the little things- like adding a couple of pregnancy apps to my phone where I get a daily reminder of what is happening with my baby and my body. It keeps the pregnancy real and it helps me to see that something amazing and wonderful is happening. We have a doula who has encouraged me to continue to examine my past birth experience so that I can forgive myself, the doctor, and the nurse in order to truly move on. If the prevention isn’t enough, we know we have support. My husband knows that if he sees any signs, even if he’s not sure, he has to contact the doula immediately so she can step in to find out how I am doing. I know now that there are plenty of support groups out there for women with PPD. I can’t know right now if I will suffer from PPD again, but what I do know is that I have the support to make sure that I get help immediately.

This may be my third son, but because of all the research we’ve been doing and all the ways I’ve been preparing for the birth, I feel like it’s my first. I think my Dad said it best when he called me recently and said, “You know, I’ve never seen you so excited about giving birth.” And he’s right. I am excited. I know that I won’t be alone. I know that I am doing the best I can to be the best mom I can be. I am taking my experiences, forgiving myself, forgiving the doctor, forgiving the nurse, and moving on into this next blissful journey of becoming a mom of three boys!

Jenny Summerlin is a wife, mom of 3 boys, and a first grade teacher. Her husband teaches percussion and stays home during the day with their adventurous boys. Since submitting her story to BirthWays, Jenny had a wonderful experience giving birth to their third son at home. Baby Grayson was born on October 12th weighing 10 lbs 8 oz. See Grayson pictured below.

About Postpartum Mood Disorders. One in five women will experience a postpartum mood disorder (PPMD) following the birth of their baby. Men also experience postpartum mood disorders. In sharing her courageous story, Jenny illustrated a number of common themes, particularly: self-blame, feeling disconnected from ones baby, shame, and isolation. Fortunately, Jenny was able to find her way through PPMD by making use of her community of friends and family. Seeking help from a trained professional is an important step in reducing the duration and severity of PPMD for most women. Unfortunately, many women do not get the help they and their families deserve because their PPMD goes unrecognized and shame and misunderstanding cause them to suffer in silence. If you believe you may be suffering from a postpartum mood disorder, reach out for help.

The following resources may be helpful:

Baby Center - www.babycenter.com/0_postpartum-depression-and-anxiety_227.bc
Postpartum Support International – www.postpartum.net
Perinatal Psychotherapy Services – www.perinatalpsychotherapy.com. Offering individual and couples therapy, New Moms’ Groups, and groups for Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.
Integrative Psychological Services -  www.meghanlewisphd.com. Offering counseling and support for individuals, groups, and couples on the topics of preconception, pregnancy, postpartum, parenting, and much more. See website for a further description of services and contact info.