By Bonnie Clark
The morning of November 26th I noticed things were changing. My due date was in two days on the 28th. I had mild contractions throughout the day and I thought, “This is good. The more work my body does leading up to labor the less I’ll have to do when it happens.” I prayed that I would go into labor in the morning after a good nights rest but I should have known better as I went into labor at 6:00 pm with both Andre and Selah. At 6pm I was Christmas shopping with Keenan at Target. I was having one to two contractions an hour and waddling around the store while people gave me sympathetic and concerned looks. I stopped getting the what-a-cute-pregnant-girl looks over a month before. I wondered of they could tell I was in labor. When we left the store I remember looking at the beautiful sunset and commenting to Keenan that this may be the last time I see the sun before Amera is born.
My mom was already at my house watching the kids while Keenan and I were shopping. When we got home I told her I thought, “This was it.” She was excited and helped me put the kids to bed. It was emotional kissing them goodnight and knowing their little lives would be forever changed when they woke up. Looking back it was so primal and perfect that I went into labor at night. My kids were asleep and it was a quiet, safe time to give birth. My mom helped me time my contractions around 9:00 pm. Then the dreaded call to my midwife. Dreaded because I’m not sure if I’m terrible at timing contractions, or if I’m just regularly irregular, but it was like déjà vu when my midwife Charlotte told me my contractions should be a little longer and to call her back in a half hour. The same thing happened with the other two! In the meantime she said to fill the birth tub. This is when my hero, I mean husband, saved me for the first time that night. He called Charlotte back and told her to come immediately. He recognized all the signs by now and was afraid that if she waited too long he was going to have to deliver the baby himself.
Maureen, my doula/photographer/best friend/cheerleader, came over right away and filled the room with joy. Even though she isn’t a trained doula I had asked her to be with me during the birth because she’s passionate about birth, has had two natural deliveries of her own, and is a dear friend whom I love. My mom, who had been a little nervous at the births of my other kids, was surprisingly calm and amazingly supportive – especially since her baby was having a home birth! Between Maureen and my mom and Keenan, I had the perfect birthing trio to help me. They were filling me with love and positive energy. Charlotte arrived around 10:15 pm and upon hearing that my contractions were longer and closer together she went into warp speed setting up for the birth.
I was managing my contractions pretty well up until that point, but I was looking forward to getting in the birthing tub. I was breathing, praying, listening to my music, and speaking positive affirmations. 
I kept saying, “This is going to be fast” and, “open up.” Charlotte told me I could get in the water at 5cm and when she checked me around 10:45 pm I was 5cm! I was so excited! I labored in the hospital tub with Selah and it was so much better than my labor with Andre (a terrible, long story). The tub was a bit disappointing because the water wasn’t very warm. I crawled in and got on my knees with my head hanging over the edge of the tub. This was not premeditated; it was the position my body wanted to be in at the time. I was only slightly distracted by the temperature of the water because all of a sudden I had a huge contraction. I wasn’t able to breathe through it and I remember thinking, “Wow. This shouldn’t be this hard already.” That is when I looked up and into Keenan’s eyes. They are a beautiful ocean green color. Looking into his eyes made me feel calm, so I decided to stare into his eyes during every contraction.
The calm definitely preceded the storm because another hard contraction hit me and it was all I could do to stare in his eyes. When it was over I remember telling myself to completely relax every muscle in my body. 
I like this picture because it was, believe it or not, the hardest part of my labor. I felt in control and on another planet all at the same time. Later Keenan told me that although I was looking in his eyes, it seemed that I was looking straight through him. He kept telling me he loved me and he was proud of me. We kissed a couple of times. The third, or maybe fourth hard contraction hit and suddenly I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. Yes, I’ve heard that when you feel like you have to go to the bathroom it’s time to push, but I really thought I had to go to the bathroom – numbers 1, 2, 3, and 4! I had only been in the tub 15 minutes! I told Charlotte I had to go and I started getting out of the tub. I didn’t feel an urge to push. I felt an obligation! She told me to not get out of the tub until she checked me and I remember thinking, “Something is about to come out and there is nothing I can do about it.”
Then I felt her head come out. I knew what it was but I couldn’t believe it. Wasn’t I just 5 cm 15 minutes ago? Charlotte told me her head was turning a little blue and to go ahead and push her out. So I did. I didn’t make a sound during the pushing, so no one but Charlotte and me knew she was out. Her hand was beside her head, “on the phone” as Charlotte described it, and the cord was wrapped around her neck, torso, and leg. Keenan helped turn me over so Charlotte could get a better look and she quickly untangled her while she floated in the water.
When Charlotte pulled her out of the water and gave her to me she was crying, and everyone cheered and gasped in amazement. It happened so fast! Amera Elizabeth was born at 11:00pm. I was still on another planet as I held my new daughter for the first time. I didn’t cry or even speak. My heart was filled with joy, love and relief as I kissed the top of her head. Keenan said, “You did it baby!” and I rested my head on the edge of the tub. I did it. She was here and she was perfect.
Keenan cut the cord and I held my baby, trying to process everything in my head. I couldn’t believe how everything happened and that it was over. Charlotte and her assistant helped me into my bed and checked Amera over. Both of us were good.
It was an amazing feeling to be in my bed, skin to skin with my new baby. In the hospital they would have taken her away to check, bathe, weigh her, etc. I was able to hold my baby immediately and for as long as I wanted. Keenan got in the bed with us and it was such a special moment for me to be with my husband and welcome our new daughter into our lives and into our home. Another special moment was when Andre and Selah woke up the next morning and got to meet their new little sister.
I know that home-birth isn’t for everyone, but it was the right decision for our family, and I will forever treasure the memory. I truly believe that birth is transformative for a woman. I feel like I was reborn with the birth of each of my children. Through each experience – one bad hospital experience, one good hospital experience, and one home birth – I have learned so much. I’ve learned that while childbirth may not be pain free, it can be fear free. I’ve learned that toughness gets you nowhere; you have to surrender. I’ve learned that God created an amazing body and a powerful mind. Childbirth has made me more confident in myself as a woman, wife, and mother. I hope that every woman can experience birth the way she wants to so she can carry the memories in her heart as a gift. When I watched Amera’s birth video for the first time I noticed that the song Blackbird sung by Sarah McLachlan was playing when she was born. I have a feeling Amera will hear that song often when I sing to her at night…”all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.”
Bonnie Clark is a full-time, stay-at-home wife and mother of three; and a part-time blogger and runner. She graduated from Georgia Tech completely underqualified for the hardest job of her life: motherhood. With three different birth stories, she is passionate about encouraging women to have the positive birth experience they desire.
out what is best for us and for our babies. In addition to what can seem like a deluge of opinions and birth stories that may influence us one way or another, we face decisions about testing, type of provider, place of delivery, pain management, interventions to speed or “enhance” the birth process, and how to care for our newborn. As a doula and childbirth educator, I often emphasize the importance of “informed choice” when women and their families consider their options and make decisions and plans during pregnancy and for childbirth. But what does this term mean, and why does it matter? And how can we find the information we need to make the decisions that feel right for our own unique experience – for ourselves and our babies?
unintentional or ill-considered, solo parents are breaking increasingly visible new ground and setting a new standard for the culture of parenting in our society. As Jennifers Aniston and Lopez portray empowered solo moms on film (though in admittedly unrealistic scenarios), and our country is led by the son of a powerful and celebrated solo mother, our cultural consciousness is experiencing a dramatic shift. Add to this the movements around gay marriage and gay parenting (both of which are also becoming increasingly visible in the media), and we have an even more dramatic transition.
vents, and play dates, were with people of two-parent, heterosexual, legally married households. She felt compelled to find folk that reflected her family constellation so her son would see that, though they were unique, they were certainly not alone. The proactive actions of these moms worked to prevent isolation that could otherwise occur as a result of insufficient reflection in the face of the predominant parenting paradigm.
ill lead each woman to the right place for her is, “Where do I feel safe?” Different things help different people to feel safe. For some, feeling safe may mean being supported emotionally so that they can be vulnerable. For others, it may be about where their babies can get the most effective and quickest medical care. Most likely it is a combination of the two.
condition that develops during pregnancy. Other mothers will simply feel safer or more comfortable in a hospital setting. For those who do choose a hospital, and hope to have an unmedicated birth without routine interventions, it will first be important to choose a medical practitioner who shares the same philosophy of birth. It is important to keep in mind, however, that very few doctors or hospital-based midwives can guarantee that they will be available to attend the births of all of their clients. Thus, it will also be very helpful to work with an experienced doula and give thorough consideration to a birth plan. This thoughtful planning and preparation can help women ensure they have the information and support they need for a positive and satisfying birth experience.